Talk delivered at Girls Inspiring Girls virtual conference, 08/21/2020.
Who first put a limit on you?
Who first told you that you couldn’t do something? Was it a kid at recess saying “You can’t catch me!”
Who first told you that you couldn’t do something of measure? Was it a teacher saying “You can’t get an A in my class?”
Who first told you that you couldn’t do something because it was too grand? Was it your parents saying “We don’t want you to fail?”
Who first told you that you couldn’t do something because you were female?
When was it? Were you a child, told that you couldn’t play trucks or action heroes with the boys?
Were you an adolescent, told that you couldn’t run on the playground in a skirt?
Were you in school, told that you didn’t belong in the rocketry club?
Were you leaving school, told that you should major in a more appropriate field?
Were you in college, singled out by the professor for being one of the few women in class?
What did you say?
What did you do?
How did you feel?
Was your self-confidence blown? Did you stand down and obey? Were you the good girl you were expected to be?
All of the above happened to me at one time or another. I never understood why. So what that I wore dresses and had long hair, neatly pinned back in a bow. I never liked hearing the negative, so I set about proving people wrong. Again, and again, and again. The more I succeeded, the more I was told “no”. The more I heard “no”, the more I pressed for success.
No, you can’t be an engineer; you’re such a great writer.
No, you can’t be an engineer; you’ll never attract a husband.
No, you can’t be an engineer; you’ll take a job away from a man.
No, you can’t be a project manager; women are never taken seriously by clients.
No, you can’t be a consultant; you need to be home for your family.
I didn’t know that having two x-chromosomes was some kind of limiting agent. I’m a human who happens to look good in heels, what’s the big deal? I’m not supposed to be good at math because a talking Barbie said it was tough? I’m not supposed to understand a car engine because it’s a dirty job? I’m supposed to care more about my wedding than my welding? I’m supposed to be more worried about my china pattern than an analysis pattern?
Newsflash: The limit does not exist. Limits are fabricated by those who are intimidated by the possibility of your success.
Conformity to social expectations, gender stereotypes, gender roles and lack of role models continue to channel girls’ career choices away from STEM fields. Decreases in self confidence that start as early as age eight keep girls from standing up for themselves in the classroom, which continues through college into the workforce. Women are inherently people pleasers, which causes us to accept arbitrary limits placed upon us, because it’s “what we are expected to do.”
It’s time to be unexpected. Be bold. Be limitless. For ourselves and for the future. The world needs our insight to help solve current problems and our girls are counting on us to be the role models that we didn’t have. It’s okay to get dirty – dirt cleans right off. It’s okay to wear steel toes and heels, as @chloetheengineer showed us this past week. It’s okay to wear pink on the job, especially on Wednesdays. It’s okay to take the lead, the team will fall into line. It’s okay to have a family and a STEM job, the two are not mutually exclusive.
I was blessed with a mother who fought against the limits while playing within the rules of the social game. She was an X-ray tech, in an era when women were not commonly accepted as anything but nurses or secretaries in a hospital setting. She wore a nurse’s dress and shoes, with her film markers clinking in the pockets. She was frequently dismissed by doctors who demanded a male tech, standing outside the treatment room with grace, while internally fuming. But she persisted, and became known for being able to nail the tricky shots on a single take, important when dealing with complex injuries. She allowed her work to speak for itself, her films only identified by the KGF on the marker.
She raised my brother and me to be well-rounded humans capable of doing anything we put our minds to. Nothing less than excellence was accepted, on all fronts. We were expected to be top students and equally functional humans. My brother was expected to be a capable homemaker and I was expected to turn a wrench to fix things when necessary. My brother makes a mean pot roast. I can change a tire in a dress and heels. We learned that there were no limits.
I’m now raising three daughters, playing in the dirt, running madly around the house in their dresses, and designing Roblox game scenarios. They love science and computers, music and art. They help assemble their toys and new furniture, then they turn around and sit at their vanity and play with makeup. The only conformity they know is a school uniform. To them, there are no limits.
What will you do to show the world that there are no limits? There is always a way, and it’s up to you to find it within yourself. What would you do if you were limitless?
