Today, I want to share a personal story that many women in technical fields might relate to: my complex relationship with the color pink. It’s a tale of balancing strength and femininity, overcoming societal expectations, and ultimately reclaiming a color that symbolizes much more than what meets the eye.
The Pink Ballerina Princess with a Wrench
As a child, I was the epitome of a pink ballerina princess. I loved everything about the color pink—its softness, its vibrancy, its unabashed femininity. But my dreams weren’t limited to tutus and tiaras. I also wanted to be an astronaut, to explore the cosmos while surrounded by the beauty of the stars. My childhood was a blend of ballet slippers and wrenches, as I spent countless hours under the hood of a car with my father, a wrench in my back pocket, before dashing off to ballet class.
I wanted to be both strong and pretty. I wanted to create beautiful things and wear beautiful clothes, even in a space station lab. My desire to paint my bedroom pink was a small rebellion against my strict upbringing, a longing for a space that reflected my true self.
Burying Pink Beneath the Beige
As I entered my school years, my love for pink and all things pretty was met with criticism from my peers. In the confines of my Catholic school, my innocence and affection for baby pink became points of ridicule. Gradually, I buried my love of pink beneath the beige veneer of my school desk, hiding a part of myself in an ill-fated attempt to fit in.
The most traumatic blow came at the end of my first year of high school when I was sexually assaulted on campus. This devastating experience caused me to fully bury any semblance of femininity for the next seven years. During this time, all things pink disappeared from my life, as I associated the color with vulnerability and unwanted attention.
Reclaiming Pink in a Male-Dominated World
Early in my career, I found myself working in Indiana, where traditional gender roles and expectations were strictly enforced. Tools I needed for my job frequently “walked away” or “disappeared” from my workstations, making it difficult to perform my duties effectively. In an environment where being taken seriously was a constant battle, I decided to use a bit of reverse psychology.
I brought in a full set of pink-handled tools, along with pink pens, pink pencils, pink post-its, a pink ruler, and a pink notepad. As I had hoped, my work supplies magically stayed put. No “man’s man” wanted to be seen with pink anything in their hands, and thus, my pink tools became my silent protest and shield against the subtle sabotage of my male colleagues.
Embracing Femininity and Strength
My relationship with pink has come full circle. I’ve learned to embrace the color as a symbol of my strength, resilience, and femininity. Pink no longer represents vulnerability; it stands for my ability to navigate and thrive in a male-dominated field while staying true to myself. It’s a reminder that I can be both strong and pretty, capable and feminine.
In sharing this story, I hope to inspire other women in technical fields to embrace their true selves, whatever that may look like. Whether it’s through the color pink or another expression of femininity, we deserve to be respected and taken seriously for who we are, not in spite of it.
Thank you for reading, and for allowing me to share this deeply personal journey with you. If you have your own stories about navigating femininity in technical fields, I’d love to hear them. Let’s continue to support and uplift each other in our unique paths.
